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Friday, 30 October 2009
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那天晚上在青海湖畔
那時候在青海湖寫下的部份日記，今天再看，好像把有點迷失了的自己抓了回來。也許日記就像是一面神奇的鏡子，讓我可以隨著時間一點一滴地看清楚自己。
......第一次當背包客，第一次作這麼長時間的旅行，第一次去一個發展中國家作自由行。果然，這真是我的畢業旅行，不單僅僅是在學業上的畢業旅行，總覺得這次旅行所需要的魄力、體力、解決問題的能力也是要一個「畢業」級的水準，如果這次旅行能圓滿結束，我也算是畢業了。旅程開始了幾天，一切還算順利，但其實我連西藏這道主菜還未開始。漫長的旅程，現在才是開端。
喜歡這樣的旅行，因為我總能在旅途上遇到各種各樣的人。在去西寧的火車上碰到的楊敏，今天在牧民之家碰到的從北京來的人，我們這一生也許都不會再見，但他們始終在我的旅程上、人生中留下了痕跡。人與人之間的相遇相識相知真是奇妙，一切就是可以在這樣毫無準備的情況下出現了。我珍惜我現在活著的每一刻，我會用心去感受每一分每一秒。今天在路上經過的油菜花田、經過的高山河流湖泊，我都用心去看去感受，過去的回憶也就一發不可收拾地出現了。我又再一次深刻地知道我在活著，也再一次由衷地感激我這個「活著」......
7月19日23:50@牧民之家
青海湖旁，渾身冰冷，但卻很享受這一刻
對今天的我來說，那一刻很遙遠，卻很深刻。
Saturday, 24 October 2009
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Dream a bigger dream
Never has a period in my life that I feel myself being so incapable like what I feel for myself these days. I don't know why I was chosen. I don't know what can motivate me to discipline myself and have a better time management. I don't know how to organize my schedule so that there will be a slightly higher chance that I can be more well-prepared before my placement started in December. I am just in a total confusion. Don't know why I'm here, how far I can go, and if I can really continue to walk on the road I've dreamed for long. Would Obama still be today's US president if he thought the black could never be elected? Would Forrest Gump be that successful if he thought he could achieve nothing with his impaired cognitive ability? Could a person still achieve something if she has already lost faith in herself?
How powerful is 'dream'? How powerful is passion? When I was in high school, form teachers reminded us never just listen to your heart without considering your ability when making a decision on what to study in the university. It's good to have a dream, but following a dream may not neccessarily lead you to where you want to go. In the toastmaster club meeting today, one of the speakers talked about 'dream a bigger dream'. If the original path connecting you to your dream does not seem to work, yet your dream is still alive, then go for another path. Keep the fire burning, keep the dreams alive, keep the faith, these are why there are so many beautiful miracles in the world.
'Life is a box of chocolate, you never know what is the next that you can get.' Another quote I heard today. Lucky that I have a dream and I still believe my faith will take me to the final destination. I'm waiting for my favorite piece of chocolate to come.
Monday, 12 October 2009
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想念
很想念很想念三個月前背著大背包在西藏尼泊爾的日子。
今天早上沒由來的想起了從中尼邊境坐到加德滿都的巴士上那充滿異國情調的音樂，想起了巴士怎樣從彎彎曲曲的山谷走到人煙綢密的首都，想起了自己怎樣無懼一切地吃尼泊爾的街邊小吃和鮮榨果汁。接著，想起了自己從拉薩到中尼邊境的那程車上怎樣因害怕拉肚子而只吃麵包青菜和白飯。想起拉肚子，很自然的又想到從納木錯回拉薩的那段路，在浪卡子那個「最危險的厠所」和我眼中「最美的星空」，還有在桑耶招待所那個我這輩子都忘不了的厠所。很奇怪，當我的崗位重新是學生、面對繁重的功課和生命的高和低時，在我腦海出現的不是那些懾人的美景，也不是那些經歷時間洗禮的文物古蹟，而是這些看似微不足道的片段。
回來差不多六十天了，我以為這些細節早已忘記了，但原來它們比一切都要清晰。不，比這些更清晰的是，我真的很想念很想念旅行時無憂無慮沒有煩惱的日子。
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
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I'm too stubborn
I'm too optimistic in 60% of the time,
and too pessimistic in 30% of the time
Luckily I'm now in the 10% of time that is neither too optimistic nor too pessimistic.
So I will tell myself, why not just let it be?
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
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What's happening in another corner of the world?
Tonight I watched a documentary while I was having dinner. 'Nature's Big Events'. Basically it told the story of Kalahari Desert in Southern Africa, like how the animals survived without water, how the desert was rebirth with the first drop of water came, how hippos risked their life only for a chance of passing their own genes. All these happened in the wild world are so primitive. Life in Kalahari is all about food, water, sex and after all survival. This scene in that part of the world seems so distal and unreal, but it is depicting the most fundamental element of every living creature. Then what are the 'beings' in this part of the world doing? Investigating sophisticated research questions, inventing new technology, working damn hard for a better living, searching for the meaning in life... Sounds so close and practical to me but these are so far away from the natural world. Our brain cortex and intelligence grant us an artificial environment and create a special life style that is more rich and different from other lower animals.
Don't know why simply a scene on the television can make me think so much and bring me so much confusion. Maybe all I need is a good sleep tonight to shut down my brain for a complete rest.
True
